It’s the end of the year and it’s time for the annual look back and look forward post to say goodbye 2020, hello 2021. Normally I do this in a word of the year post, however, recent events and the therapy I went through this year have both given me a new perspective on that practice. Over the years I’ve been made to feel broken. Constantly reminded that I’m not normal, that something needs fixing. I was fortunate to have two wonderful therapists at the end of last year/beginning of this year and finished up with them right before the pandemic started so nothing was left hanging. Thanks to both of them I finally unlocked this big hole inside me that had been sucking emotions, causing all sorts of problems with relationships and generally causing me lots of problems. I also identified where it all started, which was scary as hell.
In doing so I realised that, yes, compared to other people I am predisposed for mental health due to certain experiences and genetics. But I also realised that everyone is a work in progress. That became even more recognisable as the pandemic happened and people freaked out during the lockdown, while messed up anti-social me, handled it absolutely fine.
So there will be no word of the year this year, or any other year. I’ve not done resolutions or goals for years, and the word of the year just ended up being the same thing wrapped up neatly in self-help exercises and pretty words. Pretty words that weren’t even my own to begin with.
That all sounds ridiculously arrogant, doesn’t it? Look at this chick. She’s been to therapy, handled the lockdown like a pro, she’s fixed her shit and doesn’t need any of those self-help tricks or resolutions. She’s all sorted now. Right? *snort* If only. That’s the point I’m trying to make here. I know I’m not fixed. I doubt I ever will be. I have 7 long term health conditions and PTSD. I’m dealing with stuff constantly. I’m working on being a better person every single day. I don’t need some grand gesture just because the calendar’s flipped over to a new year. Nothing’s changed in my life just because the earth has rotated around to January again.
What does that mean for 2021? No goals? No plans? Of course not. Everyone has goals and plans. No one truly moves through life rudderless. I have things I want to do, but first of all, I need to get my blog schedule in order. Getting my December end of month update out at the actual start of the next month (holy crap, it actually happened, you guys!) was step one.
The next step is taking a sort of hiatus for January and perhaps February (hopefully not though) to get my to-do list done. I have a couple of interviews I’ve been transcribing and a bunch of book reviews to finish off. I’ll be posting them throughout January when they’re done, and I’ll also be keeping up with Seriously Geeky Sundays as well. Other than that there will be zero new content from me until my draft folder is under control (aka only filled with random post ideas not posts half-finished). Every time I finish something I’m going to treat myself using Christmas money so hopefully, I will have everything done by the end of January and won’t need to extend it to February 😉
I’ll still be active on Twitter so come say hi and cheer me on!
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